Easter Espada
by brokensocks
Summary: Ulquiorra, Orihime, Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Halibel, Zomarri, Yammy, Barragon, Szayel, and Stark embark on Aizen's Grand Easter Egg Hunt.
1. Chapter 1

Socks: Bleach—

_**Socks: Bleach—**_

_**Cast: We do not belong to her!**_

_**Socks: Rats.**_

Easter Espada

All of the Espada assembled obediently at their notorious dining table in the late morning due to Aizen's request. They waited, patiently at first, for the arrival of their master. The antsy Arrancar shifted restlessly in their chairs. Forty-five minutes slipped by already with no appearance of Soul Society's flashy traitor. Such a colossal delay undoubtedly wreaked disturbance and unease among the Espada. They could not help but wonder out of curiosity or concern or both as to why their assiduous and punctually organized leader would keep them at bay for so long.

One of the ten was about to snap under sheer anticipation just before the titanic ivory-white doors swung open. Aizen strutted in evenly with megalomaniacal strides along with the ever-smiling Ichimaru and the ever-blind Tōsen. The three heads of Hueco Mundo pulled out their seats just enough to slide into place fluidly.

"Good morning, Espada," began Aizen. There was no apology or any hint of indemnity intertwined with his greeting.

"Good morning, Aizen-sama," responded the wound-up Espada spontaneously.

"I assume all of you wonder why you are here."

Their response literally went without saying.

"We—actually, not 'we'—all of you are going to participate in Aizen Sōsuke's Grand Easter Egg Hunt!" chirped Aizen suddenly with the same fervor as the shepherds who announced the arrival of Messiah.

The news caught the Espada off guard. Easter Egg Hunt? They knew perfectly well as a result from reading a 'human culture' book that Aizen gave them to enrich their minds. But actually initiating an Easter Egg Hunt was not of Aizen's character. What could he be up to? Why was he treating them like a bunch of booger-picking brats?

Grimmjow, being Grimmjow, verbally projected their thoughts Jaegerjaques style.

"What the fuck Aizen, that's fucking retarded!" he shouted. "We've got better things to do! Like hell we're going on some stupid kid-ass egg hunt!"

Impending doom was upon the sassy sixth Espada as Aizen smiled dangerously. His wide grin could reach the moon and back.

"Tōsen, please proceed to cut off Grimmjow's arm again."

Grimmjow's eyes widened helplessly as an approaching Tōsen drew his sword.

"As I was saying, we are going on an Easter Egg Hunt," continued Aizen as he ignored the howls of agony echoing about the commodious chamber.

He paused for effect.

"These are the rules, and I expect all of you to listen carefully. All of you will be separated into two-man teams. The pair to collect the most eggs by the end of the six hour period shall be the winner. Do not fret, there are many eggs scattered around Hueco Mundo. Some are easy to find, some are not. Some are Easter eggs, some are fakes. You are to stay with your assigned partners at all times."

Ridiculous. Nobody felt like making an effort for something this stupid.

"The failures will have to clean all of Las Noches, yes, including Yammy's water closet, the old-fashioned way. Only the winning team will be pardoned of this chore."

Everybody wanted to make an effort now.

"The teams are as follows— Team One: Barragon & Zommari."

"…" replied Zommari and Barragon simultaneously.

"Team Two: Nnoitra and Grimmjow."

_At least I got someone stronger than me_, thought Grimmjow, caressing his bleeding stump of an arm.

_Dammit, I got a weakling_, thought Nnoitra.

"Team Three: Stark and Szayel."

Szayel wrinkled his nose and pushed up his glasses with his middle finger. Stark groaned.

"Team Four: Ulquiorra and Yammy."

"Yeaaahhh!" howled Yammy. He gave Ulquiorra a hearty slap on the back. "We're gonna win this, huh, Ulquiorra?"

"We are not going to win this, **I** am going to win this," countered Ulquiorra.

"Team Five…"

Szayel raised his hand.

Aizen looked up from his list with the same wide smile. He disliked being interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Aizen-sama, forgive me." The bubblegum-haired scientist rose quickly and bowed courteously. He straightened his posture and said, "There is not an even number of Espada for equal two-man teams."

Aizen frowned. He had forgotten: Aaroniero died. Maybe he forgot because he was so unimportant.

"Of course I knew that. I would have gotten to it if you had not raised your hand. Tōsen please cut off Szayel's arm for impudently interrupting me."

Blood hit the tiled floor. "Nooo!"

"But, as a matter of fact," said Aizen coolly, "One thing **did** slip my mind." He turned to Ulquiorra. "Ulquiorra, would you please bring the human woman here?"

"As you wish, Aizen-sama," said Ulquiorra bowing. He then pivoted and walked out of the room, with Nnoitra snickering as he always did whenever Ulquiorra was going to do something that included the human girl.

Grimmjow and Szayel's thoughts were synchronized. The human girl? Aizen was having pity on them? Then again, he was a little out of character today. Whether it meant joy or doomsday, they didn't know.

Ulquiorra had a habit of getting the job done quickly. It was proved true when he shortly came in with the human after orders. The human Orihime looked genuinely confused.

"As I was saying, Team Five: Halibel and Orihime."

Halibel was silent as usual. Orihime only looked more confused. Grimmjow and Szayel were a little disheartened. _Of course._

Aizen turned to Ulquiorra. "You failed to brief her on this situation, didn't you?"

Ulquiorra bowed apologetically. "My sincerest apologies, Aizen-sama. Your orders were for me to simply retrieve the human woman."

"Ah," confirmed Aizen. It was true. No loopholes to punish him. He then faced Orihime. "We are going on an Easter egg hunt. Because we are lacking a participant, your presence is here. Halibel will **kindly** explain when the hunt begins."

Orihime was just as dumbfounded as the Espada when first stricken with the news. Easter egg hunts were fun, and Aizen was anything but fun. It made the place seem so… casual, in a friendly way. Orihime considered relaying the true meaning of Easter to Aizen, but her survival instincts told her he was not in the mood for a sermon.

Aizen pulled a pocketwatch out of his sleeve and stole a glance at it. 11:58 AM.

"Marvelous. Just on time. We will begin in two minutes. Everyone please assemble at the exiting gate. Remember, this activity will end in six hours, which is roughly 6:00 PM."

After everyone was in position, the pocketwatch read 12:00 PM.

"On three," said Aizen. He hesitated and then said, "okayonetwothreego."

_Shaa_— The five teams scattered in five different directions. The hunt was on.

"Good luck, and good hunting," smiled Aizen.


	2. Chapter 2

"Umm… Halibel-san…

"Umm… Halibel-san…." muttered Orihime timidly. She was running next to Halibel through the desert. Halibel, on the other hand, was just striding quickly. She could not use flash steps for they would consequently leave the human behind. Aizen said that it was expected that they stay together. Expectations were considered orders. And she was NOT carrying the girl. _Damn humans, they're so slow_. Halibel's gaze flickered over to Orihime.

"What's going on?"

"We are hunting for eggs."

"I know, but is there anything we have to do in particular?"

"Not really. Just grab every egg you see."

"Okay…"

Silence laid over them like butter on bread as they ran/strode through the vast white desert, eyes peeled open for the sight of any eggs.

**Meanwhile, Team Three…**

"Damn it, why do **I** have to carry the eggs?" whined Stark.

"Shut your hole. I only have one arm, dumbass," snapped Szayel in an annoyed fashion. He was digging into a dune and found a small cavity concealing a meager amount of eggs. It was a start.

"Um… Szayel…"

Szayel ignored him. He disliked hearing people complain, save himself.

"Szayel…"

He continued to ignore him.

"Szayel!"

"What is it, damn it all?" Szayel finally growled.

"Don't you think this is too easy?"

"Better than being too hard. Do you want to clean Los Noches in a maid's costume with your Fraccion watching you?"

"She wouldn't care, but, don't you remember Aizen-sama saying something like there being fake eggs? And who the hell would bury a bunch of eggs together in a dune?"

Szayel paused. Why hadn't he thought of that? This calls for…

He pulled out an odd device out of his jacket and pushed a button.

"Szayel…"

"WHAT?!"

"What the hell is that?"

Here, Szayel straightened himself up with pride like a mother cat with a litter of twenty-six.

"This… is an egg detector. It reveals whether or not an egg is real or not."

"When did you make that? Did you know there would be a hunt?"

"No, I made it some time ago just for the heck of it and I did not suspect it would prove useful in the future."

Stark frowned as if he was concentrating. Szayel took note of this and wondered if it was because the mere thought of an egg-detecting device vexed him. How stupid could one be?

" Hey Szayel…"

Szayel made a hissing noise.

"Aizen-sama never elaborated whether or not the egg itself was a fake, or if it was a fake Easter egg. I mean, sure, it could be an egg, but what if there was a cero bomb in it or something?"

Then, as if on cue, all of the eggs exploded. Stark and Szayel were left dripping in yolk and bits of eggshells. Stark blinked slowly as Szayel roared in anger and started stomping on his egg detector because it was hard to rip apart something with one arm.

Meanwhile, Team Four…

"Hey!! Ul-qui-o-ra!!" sang Yammy loudly. There was no need to be noisy; Ulquiorra was directly behind him. Yammy whirled around and triumphantly pointed at a plain white egg lying innocently in the sand. "Isn't that an Easter egg?"

"To say you need to work on your observation skills would be an understatement," responded Ulquiorra deadpanned.

Yammy failed to grasp his point. He just looked greedily at the egg and grabbed it. "We've got one!"

Ulquiorra sighed a good long sigh that would have made Napoleon Dynamite jealous. "**No Yammy. It is not an Easter egg.** An Easter egg would have disgusting colorful patterns on it. That is just an ordinary egg."

"Oh." Yammy dropped the egg and the soft sand cushioned its fall. "Hey, how about that one?" He pointed at an egg with pink and yellow stripes with orange polka dots. The vibrant array of colors made their eyes ache.

"Yes, that is, indeed, an Easter egg," confirmed Ulquiorra. Yammy howled victoriously and attempted to snatch it up. But Ulquiorra intervened and took the egg for himself. Yammy looked at him in bewilderment.

"Sorry, Yammy, I will be the egg-keeper. I fear your lack of self-control will literally crush our path to victory. But I will accompany you with the egg-search."

Yammy didn't understand a word Ulquiorra was saying, but he understood the main point: Ulquiorra will hold the eggs and follow him around as he looks for more eggs.

"Okey-doke then," grinned Yammy stupidly. They trotted for a few more paces until stumbling upon (to be precise, Yammy tripped over it) a huge-ass egg.

"ULQUIORA!" sang Yammy again in his annoying voice. "Is **this** an Easter egg?"

Ulquiorra didn't bother to say anything. He was sick of repeating himself. When Ulquiorra did not reply, Yammy assumed for some reason that he got it right. Yammy then picked up the heavy egg, smiling all the way. That was when disaster struck.

It was not an Easter egg; it was an ostrich egg.

"Bakawk!" cawed the ostrich as it hatched from her prison. Her fine-haired head cocked this way and that— until she laid her eyes on Yammy. Could this dumbstruck idiot be the food her mother left behind for her?

"Bakawk!" she screeched. She then began pecking passionately at Yammy's eyes.

"Argh! Cut it out, you feathery bitch!" roared Yammy. Ulquiorra couldn't tell which fact was more amusing, someone getting into a fight with an ostrich, or Yammy obviously losing. The bird was obviously an obstacle laid out by Aizen-sama because normal birds were not native to Hueco Mundo.

Then— something happened. There was a noise. A very unfamiliar noise. Ulquiorra looked around, trying to pinpoint the location. Then he realized—

It was coming from his stomach. His stomach, it was growling.

Needless to say, Ulquiorra was disgusted at his own stomach for doing something so human. But, everybody obeys the stomach. Ulquiorra looked around. No food. And Yammy was definitely not food. The ostrich? He could wring its neck easily and fry it with a cero. But no. The Arrancar/Ostrich fight was too good. To have lunch and a show was even better.

Ulquiorra looked down at his hand. The Easter egg. No matter what, Easter eggs are eggs. Eggs are edible. He shook his head. No. These eggs were his key to winning.

_But you could always beat up an unsuspecting team and take their eggs,_ suggested his stomach.

That was true.

Ulquiorra poked a hole in the top of the egg, and began to suck out the delicious yolk.

That's when it hit him.

These were no ordinary eggs- they had _reiatsu_ in them. He could use _pesquisa_ to sense where and which one the real Easter eggs were.

If that was the case, this game became a whole lot easier. He had to act quickly— it was very likely that he was the only one who knew about this. If the only way you could tell was by eating one, he had the advantage because in this game, the eggs were precious and eating them was like ripping up cash money.

"Yammy…" he began but found that it was futile. Yammy had finally warded off the lethal ostrich with his eyes bleeding profusely.

"What!" he shouted. He was clearly in a bad mood. Ulquiorra sighed again. Yammy was more useless than usual if he could not see.

"You and I are switching jobs," he said. "You guard the eggs, and I'll go off and look for more eggs. When I find one, I'll come back and give them to you. You will protect the eggs with your life. Do you understand?"

"Well, sure, Ulquiorra," said Yammy scratching the back of his head and wiping his eyes at the same time. "But the thing is, I can't see, you see?"

"I see," said Ulquiorra flatly. _Unlike you_, he thought privately. "All you have to do is cover them up in…" He looked around. It was not safe to bury them in the sand; unwelcome visitors could dig underground and steal them that way. "Hide them in your jacket."

"You got it!" shouted Yammy happily despite his maimed eyes. He was feeling important; he felt good when he felt important.

"Stay here. I'll be back." Ulquiorra prepared to take off but—

"Ulquiorra!" yelled Yammy.

"What is it?" replied Ulquiorra using all of his might to control his temper.

"Aizen-sama said we weren't allowed to separate."

Usually, a typical Arrancar would say, _Hell, I don't care_! But Ulquiorra is a Boy Scout. He never disobeys Aizen, even if it kills him.

"That is true… then I guess you will have to follow me," said Ulquiorra walking off, irritated. Yammy blundered after the sound of his footsteps, blood dripping all the way.

Meanwhile, Team One…

Zommari and Barragon combed their way through the sands.

"Is that an egg?" growled the elderly Arrancar.

"Hold on one moment. My _amor_ shall tell all." Zommari squatted into the horse stance and unsheathed his _zanpakutō_.

"Suppress, _Buruheria_." Zommari's neck twisted along with his blade and was mutated into a freakish pumpkin-like creature dotted with eyes. The lids peeled themselves open and the eyeballs fixed their gaze on the little egg.

"Now, reveal your secrets, or bathe in my _amor_!"

The egg did not reply.

Barragon steadied his partner with one gnarly hand. "Hey, are you sure this is going to work? It's not like eggs can speak or anything."

Zommari's portly body rotated to face his fellow Espada. "Of course. Easter eggs must have some sort of special quality to be called Easter eggs."

A snort of air replied his claim. "Did you ever read the book? Easter eggs are just colorful, that's all! And even if Easter eggs could talk, what if it's just being silent?"

Zommari's pride blew out like a candle in a windstorm. "We shall see about that." He turned back to the shelled embryo. "Speak now, if you wish to be spared."

The eggs still did not reply.

The fat-lipped Espada's eyes darkened. "Very well." One eye glared at the egg and a sun-shaped tattoo appeared on the pearly white shell. "I have possessed you now. Resistance is futile."

"**This** is futile!" snapped the old Espada. "What the hell! You're reading too much into this! You aren't helping the situation one bit— gah! I get mad whenever I hang around with you kids! I'm so mad I can't even insult you properly—"

"H-hey! I can't move!" squeaked the Easter egg.

The squabbling hollows were so alarmed that they both fell over, breaking Zommari's gaze on the egg. The Easter egg wiggled.

"Oh! Sweet! I'm free! See ya, suckas!" chirped the Easter egg in a voice six octaves too high. It buried into the sand and was never seen again. Zommari was a little disheartened at the egg's escape, but felt triumphant anyway. He sneered at his partner.

"Who is futile now?"

Barragon lost his temper.

"You!" The higher-ranking Espada shot a cero into Zommari's face.

**Meanwhile, Team Two…**

"Keh! This is easier than I thought!" Nnoitra yipped happily as he picked up a lone Easter egg lying somewhere under a shrub.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" snarled Grimmjow. He had unfortunately picked up a fake Easter egg (FYI, it was speckled with purple and blue) and its playful shark-like jaws were now clamped tightly on the back of his hand. He attempted to blast it off with his infamous hand ceros, but to no avail— it was behind his palm.

"Hey, would you cut it out? You're practically declaring our presence, shooting around like that!" hissed Nnoitra. "Just yank it off!"

"Well, **I'm sorry**, that takes **two** hands to do!" yelled Grimmjow.

Noitora just shrugged. "Your fault."

"That does it—!" Grimmjow lunged at Nnoitra but Nnoitra simply evaded his dive and sat on top of him.

"Lemme go, dammit!" heaved Grimmjow underneath Nnoitra's colossus ass. Nnoitra ignored him but something caught his attention and he rose, leaving Grimmjow gasping for breath in the sand.

"Hey, isn't that Ulquiorra and Yammy?" said Nnoitra squinting at the horizon. Grimmjow stood up and looked too.

"Yup, I can spot that prick's mask anywhere," said Grimmjow rubbing his back. Nnoitra smiled devilishly.

"Say, Grimmjow, I've got an idea…"

_**Thanks for the reviews and faves, guys!**_


	3. Chapter 3

"How many eggs do we have now, human

"How many eggs do we have now, human?" asked Halibel as she dropped a newly collected armful of eggs at the pile Orihime was sitting next to. She waited as Orihime counted them up.

"Now we have 452," she replied. Halibel frowned. Aizen said that there were a lot of eggs. Four hundred and fifty-two seemed like a measly amount. She had the impression that they were behind. And she didn't want to clean Las Noches; Nnoitra would tease her to death, insisting that she wear bunny ears with a maid's costume more revealing than her daily uniform.

"We need more than that," spat Halibel. Orihime winced.

"I'm sorry I can't help," she mumbled. Halibel shook her head dismissively.

_Damn humans._

**--**

"This will do." Ulquiorra had just taken off his jacket and twisted it into some sort of 'bag pouch'. "It will hold most of our eggs, let us hope we are fortunate enough to have so many eggs the jacket will not hold all of them."

"What jacket?" inquired Yammy. Ulquiorra looked up. Oh yeah. He was blind. Just like Tōsen. Except Tōsen was more sensible. Ulquiorra almost scoffed in disgust. Yammy was never really THAT useful, but he had just become an even bigger handicap.

"Nothing, let us move on," said Ulquiorra in a flat voice. He turned and began to walk up a dune and had to be extra loud for Yammy to be able to follow him.

But they were not alone.

Not too far away…

"Hmph. The bastard is going to make stealing the eggs easier if he puts all of the eggs in the jacket," smirked Grimmjow. His team was peeking over a small sand dune.

"Excellent analysis, Sexta-chan!" teased Nnoitra. Grimmjow almost shot a cero at him but remembered that they had to be quiet; they were in stalker mode. He just uttered a cuss word to shrug it off. He knew even if he shot a cero, Nnoitra would dodge it. Sometimes being with somebody stronger was a pain in the ass.

"Hey, they're on the move!" whispered Nnoitra.

And so, they moved on too.

Southwest

"Ahhh, I'm tired," moaned Stark as he lay sprawled out on the sand.

"Don't stop here!" barked Szayel. "I have no intention of playing housekeeper, do you?"

"To be honest, I don't care," yawned Stark. He rolled over and bam— fell asleep.

"Damn you…" Szayel began to kick him, but Stark did not stir. Szayel sighed and concentrated. What did Stark's subordinate do to him? _Oh, right…_

Szayel kicked Stark over so his face was facing up. He was snoring loudly, leaving his mouth open. Szayel cautiously stuck his hand in (he only had one left, after all) and gingerly tugged on the uvula. Then he quickly jumped back as Stark bolted up vomiting.

"What the hell was that for?" he gasped, wiping vomit from his mouth.

Szayel glared. "Like it or not, but we are playing this game under Aizen-sama's wishes."

Stark groaned. Aizen-sama this, Aizen-sama that, but he knew it was true. So he sat upright and crossed his legs Indian-style.

"Okay then, how many eggs do we have?"

Szayel wrinkled his nose. "Zero."

"Aaah… okay…"

Szayel bitch-slapped him. "No 'aaah okay'! We have to do something! We need a plan!"

Stark rubbed his cheek (you know, one of the two on his FACE). "I know that. Why don't YOU think of a plan? You're the nerd."

This remark only earned another bitch-slap.

"All right! All right! Well, I guess we could run all over the place in Hueco Mundo and pick up every Easter egg we come by… but that takes too much effort…" He scratched his chest.

"And how do we know if it is fake or not?"

"Gee whiz, I dunno, you figure that part out."

They sat in silence for a while. Then Szayel finally said, "Okay, how about this, whenever we spot an egg, YOU go over there and see if it's dangerous or not."

Stark almost fell over. "What! Why me? You're the one who's already busted up, why don't YOU do it!"

"Me? How dare you! I've been through enough trial already. I say it's YOUR turn to share the burden!" Szayel stood up.

Stark stood up too. "You would have had both arms if you didn't act like a snot-ass know-it-all!" he blurted.

"Who's a snot-ass?!" snarled Szayel.

"You are!"

"Pig!"

"Monkey!"

"Baboon!"

"Gorilla!"

The sun crept across the sky.

--

"I sense a large amount of eggs here," stated Ulquiorra as he stared at his reflection in a pond. He suspected that the egg stash rested at the bottom.

"Howdya know that?" asked Yammy as he groped around to get his bearings. As he fumbled around, he almost landed in the pond and would have drowned if Ulquiorra didn't smack him back via stomach in time.

"Do not question my skills. Wait here." Ulquiorra dived into the water and nearly cracked his head open. The pond was not deep. The water was dark, that's all.

Ulquiorra withdrew his body from the water and sighed in a disgusted tone at his carelessness. He scooped up some Easter eggs and a good portion of them was broken.

"Hold this, Yammy," commanded Ulquiorra as he shoved the pouch into Yammy's arms. He began loading them up with eggs and groped into the pond for more. And more. And more. There sure were a lot of eggs. He eventually waded in the pond and felt around. His hand unintentionally found its way into a seemingly large tunnel.

"How curious—" Ulquiorra was cut off by a loud, wailing noise. After the roar, a gigantic blue whaled busted forth from the tunnel.

"Why are we always assaulted by animals?" hissed Ulquiorra as he dodged the hollow-whale's belly flop. Nevertheless, the whole world shook when it landed. The whale bellowed again and started rolling towards Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra responded to this assault with a cero, but to no avail when the rippling fat deflected it. He finally stabbed the creature with his hand but it only sank into the blubber and eventually sucked his entire body in. The whale lay there, contented.

"Oi—? Ulquiorra, where are you? What's goin' on?" Yammy asked as he spun around in confusion holding the pouch full of eggs.

"Now's the time, go get 'im, Grimmjow!" hissed Nnoitra opportunistically.

"What the fu… Why should _I_ listen to you—OW! Okay! I'll go!" snarled Grimmjow as he dodged Nnoitra's spanks of death. Grimmjow shuffled up to Yammy and snatched away the pouch as if he were taking candy from a baby.

"Hey! What the! Who's—" THWACK! A roundhouse kick slammed into Yammy's back and was unconscious before his body hit the sand.

"C'mon, let's go pick off of someone else," Grimmjow said as he triumphantly approached Nnoitora. Nnoitora smiled nastily and they flashed off together.

--

"Fuck it all, I betcha Aizen-sama was kidding when he said there were a lot of eggs!" yelled a frustrated Szayel. Stark shrugged.

"Maybe we're looking in the wrong place."

Szayel had no problem smacking his superiors. "Shut up! There's no way I'm wrong!"

Stark rolled his eyes. "How many do you have so far?"

"None! What do you think?"

Stark shrugged again. "I found one."

Szayel's eyes widened. "Really? Give me that!" He grabbed wildly at the Easter egg but Stark held it high out of his reach.

"No, I found it, it's mine," said Stark as he evaded Szayel's grabs.

"You'll lose it! Give it to me!"

"I don't trust you!"

"Same to you!" Then, Szayel accidentally knocked the egg out of Stark's hand. The egg rolled away at mach 7 down the sandy dunes. Stark pouted.

"Nice going, Szayel."

Szayel kicked him. "Go get it!"

Stark didn't bother to retaliate. "It was your fault." Szayel punched him and dragged him down the hill with him in search of the missing egg.

**East…**

"Halibel-san!" moaned Orihime laboriously.

"What is the problem, damn human?" growled Halibel menacingly. The human girl loved complaining and groaning.

"Do we still have to look for more eggs? I mean, isn't this enough?" gasped Orihime. An extremely long rope was tied around her waist and all around a huge mound of eggs.

"What was the last count, human?" Halibel asked.

"2,989… or was it 2,988?" thought Orihime aloud. Halibel scoffed.

"And that's the reason why we need more eggs. Two thousand eggs is a measly amount to cover the entire Hueco Mundo.

"But I doubt the others have as much as we do, probably not at all!" whimpered Orihime as she swiped at the beads of sweat on her forehead.

"Silence. I am in charge of this operation."

Orihime almost rolled her eyes. "Can we at least take a break? Or switch jobs?"

"No."

--

The hollow whale still lay by its waterhole, snoring very loudly. That is, until it exploded. Ulquiorra emerged from the carcass in his released form and glanced around. It was quiet. What happened to Yammy? It did not take Ulquiorra very long to spy his comrade's almost-corpse bleeding not six feet away. He hopped onto the sand with the grace of a cat and sheathed his _zanpakutō_.

"Yammy," said Ulquiorra with a stern face. "What happened to the eggs?"

Yammy groaned and propped himself up with his arms. "Ulquiorra? That you?"

"Yes," replied Ulquiorra evenly through gritted teeth. "Now, where are the eggs?"

"I dunno, I heard all of this weird bellowing and thought you were fighting a monster or something, but then, I lost all consciousness! And then I woke up, and you were here and the eggs were gone!"

Ulquiorra closed his eyes. Just as expected. He bet Grimmjow and Nnoitra were the ones who took the eggs. It was very much like them. On top of that, he was annoyed that even though he planned to steal eggs, they were the ones who did it first.

"Yammy, listen," ordered Ulquiorra. "It looks like I'll have to disobey Aizen-sama's orders for the first time."

"Whoa!" screamed Yammy in excited amazement as if he was witnessing a porcupine dancing a waltz.

"Quiet. You stay here. I will pursue the egg thief."

Yammy's curved lips drooped in disappointment.

"I have been holding this in for a while now, but I will say it to your face. You are useless."

"What! Shut up!" started Yammy as he stood up but Ulquiorra whacked him into the _seiza_ postion.

"Remain here and be a good boy." Ulquiorra utilized _sonido_ and promptly disappeared.

"Hmph," pouted Yammy. "Why the hell should I listen to him? Just because he's a higher rank? I'll show him up!" Yammy blundered on into the desert.

_**And so, the plot thickens…**_


	4. Chapter 4

Barragon slinked his way around the base of an immense cliff

Barragon slinked his way around the base of the immense cliff. He had recently heard a loud crash and a bellow, which meant that danger was nearby. Whatever it was, he was sure he could handle it because he IS one of the top three after all. And as for his partner… he looked back across the white sand as if to make sure the unconscious heap of a Zomarri (whose head was cooked until medium rare cero style) still rested in the grains of marble. He nodded to himself. He did not have to look out for the safety of his partner if as long as the body lay there.

The elderly Arrancar yawned and looked up at the fake blue sky. According to that despicably bright orb which beat down on him with its vicious ultraviolet waves, time must almost be up. He watched as the artificial sun sank a little closer toward the horizon. He released a snort of contempt. He spent too much time quarrelling with the younger seventh Espada, how was he supposed to catch up on the egg collecting? The idea of a Hollow of his status mopping the halls of Las Noches as if he were a Fracción was absolutely repulsive. His steps decreased slowly as he was further immersed in his thoughts. What if he were to sneak back to the gate before their six-hour time limit was over… and just kill everyone who came back with more eggs than he? It wouldn't be so hard. He was more powerful than the majority of the Espada—

"Argh!" An egg fell from practically nowhere at terminal velocity and hit the old Espada on the head and interrupted his musings. After the sparkling stars had cleared from his view, he peered suspiciously at the egg. His eyes widened when he realized it was an Easter Egg. He cackled almost maniacally and swept up the little egg.

"I got one—"

"LOOK OUT BELOW!"

Barragon was flattened by two flailing Arrancar before he could crane his neck up to witness the cause of the approaching danger.

"Ow…" groaned Stark as he sat erect on the pile of Espada after the dust had cleared. "I had to break my fall with my elbow but it didn't hurt as much as I expected. At least you guys helped out. Huh?" He wrenched his bony elbow out of the small bloody crater he created in between Szayel's legs.

"Oops." He rolled off of his stunned fellow hollows but that and 'oops' wasn't enough to bring the light of life back into Szayel's stoned eyes. Stark studied Szayel's countenance. His eyes were rolled up into his head and a ring of foam oozed out of his mouth. Stark finally poked him incredulously.

"Hey, you're not dead, are you?"

Szayel's body stirred and Stark blinked, amazed. Not even he would have survived a nutcracker like that.

Suddenly, Szayel's body flew up into the air. Amazement soon transformed into fear as the gawking Stark watched an enraged Barragon rise from the ashes of destruction. His bulky form was steaming and huffing with anger. He cradled in his hand a smashed Easter Egg. Stark whistled.

"I'm not dead… BUT YOU ARE!"

Stark let out a high-pitched scream as a pair of hands were enclosed around his throat, kneading his larynx into mush.

--

Two heads whipped up in alarm at the high-pitched squeal. Grimmjow scratched at his electric-blue coated scalp. Something about that howl made him feel uneasy. Nnoitra noticed this and did not resist cracking mockery.

"What's up, Sexta-chan? Lost yer balls?"

"Shut up!" The sack full of Easter Eggs swung for Nnoitra's cerebrum but he nimbly dodged it. He could have easily deflected the dangerous heap with his spoon hood but did not forget the fragility of the little treasures. He howled with laughter and began to assault Grimmjow with more jibes.

"Was the little pussy(cat) scared of the big ol' fishy?"

Grimmjow snorted and tried to ignore him. He swung the hefty sack over his shoulder.

"'Course not, dumbass. Let's just go already. We don't have much time left and there's nothing to be afraid of—"

"I beg to differ," spoke a dangerously deadpanned, smooth voice. A startling amount of spiritual pressure blasted onto the scene. Grimmjow's and Nnoitra's eyes widened. Ulquiorra— already? But how? And this spirit energy was more than a typical Ulquiorra's power… it was a pissed Ulquiorra's power.

Grimmjow sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to turn around to face the wrath of the superior Espada. Grimmjow scowled inwardly. The bastard had an annoying way of glowering behind seemingly apathetic eyes.

"Ha! What took you so long, emo kid? Was Aizen drunk or something when he appointed you as Cuarto Espada?" sneered Grimmjow. Nnoitra sneered along with him, tingling with the exciting anticipation of an intense battle.

Ulquiorra blinked slowly and took one step forward. Grimmjow did not stop grinning but narrowed his eyes.

"Grimmjow…" began Ulquiorra.

Grimmjow finally frowned. "Just get to it already!"

_Fwoom!_ In less than a split second, the egg bag was stripped from Grimmjow's grip and already was already slung over Ulquiorra's thin shoulder. Nnoitra and Grimmjow spun around to face the dirty cheater.

Ulquiorra spared one look over his shoulder. "Last one's a rotten egg."

He disappeared.

Nnoitra roared with anger as did Grimmjow.

"After him!" screeched Nnoitra as he blasted toward the retreated Cuarto Espada. Grimmjow snarled and he too utilized _sonido_ in a desperate dash for the Easter Eggs.

_**I'm sorry this chapter is a little bit short. Just think of it as 'rising action'. Next time we'll see what Yammy and Team Five are up to.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**If you're wondering why I haven't updated for a while it's because I've been traveling a lot nowadays and my wireless network sucks like a baby on a pacifier. So now I'm updating while I can and I shall post the next chapter ASAP. Also, thanks so much for the support, everyone!**_

_**P.S. I wish fanfictiondotnet would quit screwing around with the first line of my publications.**_

_Fwump fwump fwump_. The melody of Yammy's clumsy treading bounded around in the heaven-piercing canyon walls. Finally the steps ceased and Yammy collapsed onto his ass for fifteen minutes or so. The huge Arrancar was panting heavily; what was left in his eye sockets throbbed painfully but it seemed that the heat let up a little. Even a moron like him could tell that he found himself into a canyon and decided to appreciate the provided shade for a little longer. He leaned his back onto the rugged, rocky wall and released a puff of air. Searching for Easter eggs without eyes was hard. His thoughts kept flitting back to that Tōsen bastard, whom he bet could find Easter Eggs better than he can while they shared their blind condition. This made Yammy so angry that he stood up to continue tromping on.

"Dammit, why am I always at the bottom of the ladder?" hissed Yammy spitefully.

"I dunno, 'cause you're the tenth Espada?" suggested a small voice in the back of his mind.

"Yeah, but why can't I be the ninth?"

"Because… you are weak?"

"Shaddup!" Yammy smacked the source of his intelligent alter-ego's voice.

After Yammy finished tenderly massaging his skull, he admitted, "I need some water." Yes, that sounded good. A nice bowl of water would be excellent to wipe away the drying and crusty blood around his mutilated eyeballs and would ease the pounding agony of dead nonexistent brain cells.

But where could be water? The memory of the weird roaring and Ulquiorra being sucked into water or whatever happened to him that time flashed across his mind. Normally there was no water in Hueco Mundo, so it wouldn't be good news if he crossed a pond and he bet it would have been a trap laid out by Aizen.

The depression of his situation was staggering. He began to slowly admit that he would forever be the underdog no matter what he tried and the only way he could win was by quitting; at least he would be in his room in the ever secure Las Noches (which was infiltrated by the Kurosaki boy and his friends) and he would have nice food and a bowl of water and NO OSTRICHES.

Yes, it was a good plan. He wondered if Aizen would let him quit and go home, but if he didn't, he guessed that he would just hang out by the gate. He was about to turn around to saunter out of the narrow gorge but heard a familiar slither. It was a slither equivalent to water being slowly leaked out of a bathtub.

"Is that—?" He knelt down and began to feel the sand. A moist sensation tickled his finger tips and so did another sensation; it was the texture of an eggshell.

"Hey!" Yammy's spirits flew through the roof as he scooped out the wet egg. Or was it an Easter egg? There was no way to tell but he decided that it was an Easter egg for his mood's sake.

A small tap on the sole of his shoe caught his attention. He groped around, grabbed his foot, let go, groped around again, and lo and behold, picked up another egg! His sandals dampen as it sucked up the gentle flow of shallow water. He had no idea where it was coming from but he felt around a little more, and it was as if a congregation of Easter Eggs was migrating via liquid. He gently reached down and scooped up an abundant armful of them and began to roar with triumphant laughter.

"Wait until Ulquiorra sees all of this! I bet he'll cry like a real emo should and give up his title of Cuarto Espada!" he cackled childishly. He stuffed the bundle of Easter Eggs into his jacket excitedly and greedily grabbed for more.

An unexpected crash and roar caused him to turn his head up. He still couldn't see but it sounding like a wave or something…

A wall of water blasted through the canyon and did not slow down for Yammy. He screamed as the violent current spirited him away from the sweet earth and his findings.

"What the fuck! A flash flood—glub!" he gurgled angrily as he did his best to stay above the water level. He was about to eject more profanities and complaints but a torrent of sandy water gushed into his wide mouth and continued to sweep him out of the canyon.

--

Orihime and Halibel rested under the meager shade of a crystal tree. The abducted human girl wiped uncomfortably at her sweat-loaded brow and softly tugged at her furnace of a dress. Her eyes sketchily checked the environment. Although she did not have a watch she could tell they had about an hour to head back. She tilted her head absentmindedly toward the sky. It was pretty late in the day; why was it so hot? Her head lolled to the left and faced the egg mountain (formerly known as egg pile) and her un-proclaimed dictator, Halibel. Halibel was standing unlike the good-natured brunette and the way the blonde menace crossed her arms reminded Orihime of a Native American chief. She began to snicker as images of Halibel yodeling ridiculous war cries while prancing around a fire pit performing traditional dance routines began to conjure. Halibel's sharp green-eyes stuck Orihime like a pig.

"What are you giggling about, human?"

Orihime shook her head and wiped away a tear. "It's getting late, Halibel-san. Shouldn't we go back while we can?"

Halibel shot a cursory glance at the Mt. Easter Egg and had to agree. They horded all of the Easter Eggs they could find, and if there were more, they wouldn't be able to keep all of them.

"Very well." This answer relieved Orihime. Perhaps it was possible that they could find a bigger crystal tree somewhere on the way back; even Halibel's hefty breasts provided more shade than this pathetic sapling.

Halibel pulled out the rope and fastened it to Orihime's waist and began to tie up the eggs. Orihime couldn't help but think of herself as a husky pulling a huge sled. Thrilling images of the Orihime husky racing down the snowy trails began to race through her head… she was in the lead… the other dogs couldn't keep up… it was the others faults that they chose malamutes instead… she was a brown streak flying across the field… the finish line was in the horizon…!

"Ok, human, let's go," commanded Halibel as she began to walk.

"Mush!" screamed Orihime suddenly, still immersed in her enthralling vision. She dashed through the sand, leaving Halibel blinking in her dust.

"What was that all about?" she wondered incredulously and _sonido_-ed away to catch up with her wound-up partner.

--

Ulquiorra flashed across the sandy sea and threw a glance over his shoulder. It seemed that Grimmjow and Nnoitra were still in pursuit, but were about 94 meters behind. A dark mass caught the corner of his eye and he looked to his right. Not too far away from him was a forest filled with tall crystal trees. Ulquiorra's odd equivalent of a smirk slid across his face and he sprinted into the foreboding woods. He knew that hiding would be no use against his enraged pursuers but he could take advantage of the confusing landscape to switchback and maybe shake off his predators.

Nnoitra's used his curly shoes to screech to a halt and Grimmjow carelessly crashed smack into his beloved spoonhood.

He whirled around. "Watch it, faggot!"

Grimmjow flipped him off and then stepped around him to study the crystal forest. "What now?"

Nnoitra snorted. "Ain't it obvious? We'll just charge in after him! I've been here before when I was still the 8th Espada, this place ain't that big."

Grimmjow raised a tiny baby blue eyebrow curiously. "Been here before? With who?"

"With that Neliel bitch," muttered Nnoitra with a grimace. It was Grimmjow's turn to howl mockingly.

"Oh ho! Like what, on a date or something?" he sneered. Nnoitra growled and swung his crescent moon scythe dangerously.

"Shut the fuck up! We were just hunting, that's all!"

Grimmjow insanely laughed louder like a ratty hyena and continued to dodge the mammoth-sized blade. "It's all right, Quince-chan, everyone knows you're the 'on-the-bottom' type!" His cackles were silenced when Nnoitra's malicious kick found his sternum.

"Let's just go already, we've wasted enough time!" snarled Nnoitra and dashed into the forbidden forest. Grimmjow wheezed and caught his breath before following the spoon-head's lead.

--

The forest was mostly dark, save the feeble rays of light filtering through the thick mass of stony branches. Ulquiorra hopped from tree to tree in dire search for a way out. There was no point in stealing away into a maze if you yourself could not escape.

A tuft of flaming blue hair caught his eye and he ducked behind the trunk of an enormous crystal tree. He peeked around the smooth pseudo-bark and immediately identified the being as Grimmjow. He was prowling around like the panther he was but apparently did not notice the Cuarto Espada's presence. But if Ulquiorra had not concealed himself in time, he was sure to have been spotted.

This analysis made Ulquiorra slowly exhale and lower his eyelids. "That was close."

"What was close, Cuarto-chan?" asked Nnoitra who was standing on the same branch as he.

Ulquiorra's emerald eyes flew open and barely dodged a dangerous swing from Nnoitra's colossal _zanpakutō_ but a lock of his ebony hair did not. Ulquiorra propelled himself from the branch and somersaulted onto the adjacent crystal tree and bounced away into the dimness.

"Over there, Sexta-chan!" shouted Nnoitra but Grimmjow was a step ahead of him.

"You're mine!" screamed Grimmjow like a cougar that fell into a ditch infested with cacti. He wildly drew his blade and lethally swiped at the retreating back of Ulquiorra. The cornered Espada realized the danger of his position and quickly swung around the egg sack to avoid being sliced like bacon. _Swash!_ The _zanpakutō_ cleanly ripped a gaping hole in the egg sack and then all the Easter Eggs began to water the forest ground, therefore transforming this small region of Hueco Mundo into Huevo Mundo.

"Grimmjow, you fool!" cursed Ulquiorra as he kicked away the flat of Grimmjow's blade. Grimmjow was about to reply with a nasty retort until gravity wedged a basketball patterned Easter Egg into his maw.

"Mmmphh!" gasped Grimmjow and landed face-first into a rock-hard trunk.

"Dumbass!" hissed Nnoitra, who witnessed the entire fiasco. He zig-zagged through the trees and his thorough knowledge of his surroundings enabled him to quickly catch up to the fleeting Ulquiorra, who unfortunately noticed him too late.

"How did they become so clever all of a sudden?" demanded Ulquiorra as he twisted and cut through any opening the crowded branches allowed. Fleeing and trying to keep whatever remaining eggs he could in the jacket-pouch proved more difficult than one would imagine. Frustrated, he deftly swung the ripped pouch around and cradled it like a baby. His eyes lit up when he noticed that the light began to brighten— there was the exit!

"Gotcha!" Nnoitra's face all of a sudden appeared right next to Ulquiorra's. Ulquiorra had no time to think before the larger Quince Espada rugby-tackled him and the two Arrancar flew through branches and thin air before crashing gracelessly onto a sandy field. Their undying momentum only picked up speed once they began to roll down a sloping hill and off a cliff, Nnoitra screeching and swearing and Ulquiorra writhing and defending his precious leaking egg stash all the way.

--

Barragon 'humphed' triumphantly and repeatedly slapped his hands together to rid of the dust that tainted his gnarly, elderly hands. He satisfactorily scanned the decimated pile consisting of two unfortunate Espada. He shook his head and snorted grinningly. Kids these days, they never learned. They smashed his Easter Egg and pounding the offenders felt good. He looked around over both shoulders and began to walk. Not much to do except find another Easter Egg.

_Donk!_ An Easter Egg hit him on the head again. The old Espada reached inside himself and wrung out the dirtiest words he could find before picking up the little egg.

"Another one from the sky, eh? Wait, then that means—" His gaze flew up just in time to see a mass of two more Espada right before he was crushed once more.


	6. Chapter 6

Ulquiorra paced back and forth, his black eye pulsing agonizingly and sniffed up some of the blood that dripped out of his nose. He ceased pacing and stood to face the line up of badly beaten Espada. He and Nnoitra were caught up in a frenzied brawl with a furious Barragon and eventually civil sense seeped in and they all called a truce. Szayel and Stark were awakened later via uvula and Grimmjow joined the company not ten minutes later. The Cuarto Espada happened to be the most calm and level-headed at the moment so he now assumed the unofficial position of a leader.

"I know the lot of us are in irritable spirits and are frustrated, but it's time we set aside our hostilities and thought out a plan together." He paused and glanced at the party again. They were scowling but exhausted, which ensured that they were paying attention.

"Have we accomplished anything by ripping at each others throats? Certainly not. If being enemies have not helped, then the best chance we have is to work together. If we stay together in our search and divide the eggs evenly amongst ourselves, there shall be no losers nor will there be winners. After we have gained a fair portion of Easter Eggs, we shall pick up our fallen partners and continue back to Las Noches. That way, we all shall be spared of demeaning chores; it is foolproof."

"I wish our plan was jack-ass proof too," muttered a still fuming Grimmjow. Everyone muttered too and agreed.

Ulquiorra ignored the derogatory comment with its subtle agreements.

"It appears that there are only six of us here. The human woman and Halibel are not present."

"No shit." Nnoitra was the first to notice, of course.

"Another rule about this assembly is if you can not say anything that will contribute to our success, keep silent."

It was silent.

"Come to think of it, has anyone seen them at all?" asked Stark curiously. His question was greeted by the shaking of heads.

"That settles it. The human and Halibel are not here, which means they are off somewhere else and have no one to compete with. From this, we can be assured that they have had greater success than us." Ulquiorra paused to briefly check his makeshift jacket-bag. Only four eggs remained.

"There are only six of us so four eggs would not be sufficient enough for a fair game. In addition to that, if we were to search for more eggs, it is most likely that they will be guarded by traps and we could risk losing what we already have."

"But if Team Five WERE to have more Easter Eggs than us, that means they would have already outsmarted the traps and have eggs in their possession," observed Szayel.

"Which means if we were to take their eggs, we wouldn't have to worry about traps," spoke Grimmjow.

"And the six of us could easily overpower two girls," added Nnoitra.

"So then the safest and easiest way to win this is to take their eggs," concluded Barragon.

Ulquiorra nodded. "Correct."

---

Orihime's daydream died out in a minute or two and she was once again reduced to heaving and wheezing as she dragged along the massive pile of Easter Eggs. She sneakily frowned at Halibel. It was unfair; she was pulling Mt. Easter Egg the whole entire hunt like an enslaved ox while Halibel skipped around and leisurely picked up any Easter Egg that happened to be there. The exhausted human girl decided it was high time to show some backbone.

Orihime untied the rope from her waist and shrugged it off. Halibel turned her head to face her.

"What are you doing?"

Orihime looked back at her in the eyes. "It's your turn, Halibel-san." She waved the rope in front of the blonde dictator's face.

Halibel nodded understandingly and tied the cord around Orihime's waist again.

Orihime yelped and quicky wiggled away from the bonds. "I didn't mean it was your turn to tie me up again! I meant it was your turn to pull the Easter Egg stash!"

"It is not my turn, it was never my turn. Now be quiet and pull along like a good human."

Orihime's pout deepened and she squared her shoulders. "Ulquiorra-san never treated me like this."

"Woe to you, I am not Ulquiorra. I am Halibel. And I am treating you like this."

"Well, I won't let you push me around like this! I'm not going to take one step further with that rope tied to me and if you won't either, then it stays here forever! You have to share some of the work too!" Orihime 'hmphed' and firmly sat down on the snow-white sand. Halibel, on the other hand, darkened her seemingly passive countenance.

She towered to her full height over the poor human girl. "Excuse me. Who was the one collecting the eggs? Who was the one who protected you from all the traps? Who was the one who had to be on full alert the entire time?"

Orihime's mouth flapped open and closed before retorting, "There were hardly any traps! Most of them were just lying out in the open, and you picked them up at ease! Even I could have done that, and I was paying attention too, mind you!"

Halibel continued to tower over Orihime. "Who is stronger, you or I?"

Orihime thrust her hands towards Halibel and summoned Tsubaki. "I reject!"

Halibel's eyes widened as the unprecedented blow zoomed toward her at a frightening speed and smacked her flat between the eyes. The dazed Arrancar stumbled backwards but was not unconscious. Her eyes flashed maliciously as she steadied herself and focused on the sassy human girl. _The impudent fool._ Halibel could have very much sliced her in half if she desired, but her conscious kept nagging that she was Aizen's property. Still, she refused to let her go unpunished for her mutiny.

"I've had enough of your rebellious attitude," hissed Halibel evenly as she approached Orihime slowly and frighteningly. Orihime gulped but did not discard her serious-face mask. Halibel wouldn't injure her, she was 'Aizen's property', or was she mad enough to not care?

The young human woman took one cautious step back and felt something hook around her navel and yank her away. Halibel blinked and felt two familiar presences flash behind her and immediate recognized it as Ulquiorra and Szayel. She growled and swiftly hurled herself into the air as she nearly evaded two beams of blazing _ceros_. She landed nimbly on her palms, splayed open her legs, and spun around crazily like a deranged propeller.

Ulquiorra was skilled enough to duck in time but Szayel was not so lucky. He attempted to block the flailing limb with his one good arm but was simply snapped like a toothpick and the poor bubblegum Espada flew back like an unwanted rag doll. Ulquiorra ignored his physically distressed comrade and attempted to charge another _cero_, but Halibel was quicker. One hand flew up, enclosed itself around his pale arm, and chucked him in the direction of his ignored comrade, where they landed in a clumsy heap in the sizzling sand.

The blonde Espada flipped herself back into an erect position and then bent backwards just in time to avoid a lethal swipe from Nnoitra's hazardous double crescent blade. Nnoitra hissed in disappointment but took advantage of Halibel's awkward position by stomping a curly-toed shoe onto her neck.

"Get the eggs, old man!" called Nnoitra before Halibel recovered and fired a _cero_ in between his legs. But Barragon had already scooped an armful of eggs and began to retreat with a less-than-enthusiastic Stark covering his back and a grinning Grimmjow whose arm was wrapped around Orihime's waist as if she were a sack of flour. She swore she was having a déjà vu.

"Grimmjow-san, let go!" pleaded the brown-haired maiden. Grimmjow smirked.

"No go, girly. You're gonna be our hostage in case your blonde friend decides to—"

Halibel blurred next to Grimmjow and gave him hearty kick in the newly-recovered '6' tattoo. The panther Espada yelped and flew forward with the force, dragging the unsuspecting Stark with him and bowled over the retreating Barragon. The diverse bundle screamed and plunged into the sand in a pile of eggs, Arrancar, and human before Halibel dove on top of them with all of her might feet first. There was a thundering explosion and sand and dust rose into the air. Orihime was screaming until Halibel slapped her face. The eyes on her bruised face opened up and she noticed that her blonde companion was holding her high above the carnage by her sash.

"Thought you could get away with stealing our eggs, could you?" accused Halibel condescendingly as she set down Orihime. That was when she gasped and pointed at Halibel.

"Halibel-san, there's something on you!"

Halibel twisted her torso around to identify the source of alarm before Orihime was yanked away again by Ulquiorra and the Easter Eggs whose jaws were clamped tightly to Halibel's pristine jacket detonated. Orihime watched in horror as the busty dictator was ignited in a pillar of flame and her captor set her down in the cushioning sand. Ulquiorra turned to Szayel who came hobbling up with a twisted broken arm dangling by his side.

"Good work Szayel, now you watch the human," congratulated Ulquiorra.

Szayel regained his breath and shook the hair out of his face. He was depressed; he could no longer coolly slick back his soft pink hair with one arm missing and the other obsolete. He asked, "Sure, but what does the girl have to do with anything?"

Ulquiorra looked over his shoulder as he sauntered over to the slightly reduced Egg mountain. "Even in this ridiculous game, Inoue Orihime is Aizen-sama's property. He would be more than displeased if he were to discover that she was blemished in our scheme." He began scooping up a robust portion of Eggs, reminding himself not to collect too many or it will be difficult to travel and not to bring to little just in case some got lost.

The ebony-haired Espada turned around to face his scandalous crew but his gaze met a flaming Halibel that latched herself onto him. He gasped in alarm as the peculiar flame began to eat away his supposedly impenetrable hide and attempted to shove the flaming blondie away from him.

"What are you—oohh!" Ulquiorra too was transformed into a pillar of flame.

Szayel gulped. "Let's get out of here, human. Human?" He turned and saw Orihime running far in the distance.

Szayel had to laugh before pursuing her. The idea of a human attempting to outrun an Espada whose superior _sonido_ enabled him to out-wind even the feeble legs of a cheetah was laughable. He shook his head and sprung off like a wolf chasing a desperate elk. The game was already decided: an ostrich blasted forth out of the sand and collided with Szayel's ribcage.

"Gwoomph!" The air hissed out of the Octava Espada's lungs as bird and Hollow rolled together across the sand. "Confounded feathery beast! Where the hell did you come from— grah!" The ostrich's beak clamped around Szayel's nose and shook its head vigorously. Food! At long last!

---

Grimmjow lifted his head out of the rater, hissing like a mad cat. The first thing he saw was two pillars of fire running around frantically and a huge-ass ostrich on top of— was that Szayel?

"Isn't that Szayel?" Grimmjow looked down to the two Espada who lay broken in the crater on top of a crushed pile of Easter Eggs. Shell-bits and yolk was splattered everywhere. Stark groaned and sat up, rubbing his head.

"Beats me…" Grimmjow bet he didn't even hear his question. Stark all of a sudden jerked, as if he forgot something very important, looked down apprehensively, and moaned in despair. The two of them were smashed right on top of Barragon, who was further smashed into the egg pile and was thoroughly caked in the brutally scrambled eggs. The sun-yellow yolk bubbled ominously, jiggling the tiny shards of shell, and the old Espada rose from the eggs. Stark's mouth was formed in a cookie-shaped 'O' and Grimmjow looked at the mess without much regard.

Barragon's eyes first landed on Stark, who was still gawking at him with the cookie mouth. Barragon grabbed for Stark's throat, but the gesture was predicted. Stark deftly dodged the grab, but another hand wrenched him by the hair and ground his face into the eggy mess.

"Why does this happen all the time? Huh? Explain!" hollered the fuming old Espada. Grimmjow rolled his eyes and clawed his way out of the crater. Barragon always lost his temper and Stark was probably too apathetic to fight back, but he didn't care. He planned on ditching everybody ever since the stupid plan was initiated. The sloping sand did not aid Grimmjow's escape so he took a great leap instead. He landed next to his fallen partner and poked him with his foot.

"Hey, wake up, hey," he urged, poking Nnoitra harder with his foot. He then noticed the mantis Espada's burnt crotch and groaned. Great. The entire group was vanquished; his partner was seemingly dead, Barragon too busy killing Stark, Ulquiorra on fire, and Szayel being raped by an ostrich. Now who would take the eggs— the eggs! Grimmjow's head whipped over to the mountainous stash of Easter Eggs and his usual grin returned. Aizen never said that his partner had to be well alive, right?

The Sexta Espada walked casually over to the egg pile and noticed a cord lying by it. He cautiously picked it up, inspected it, and began to tie up the pile nice and securely. He swung the giant lumpy sphere over his shoulder and staggered a bit. It wasn't that heavy but its huge surface area threw him off.

He then trudged over to Nnoitra and heaved him across both shoulders. He too was not very heavy but was much taller and definitely had more surface area. The combined mass threatened to dislodge Grimmjow's shoulders but he grimaced and steadied himself, forcing his strong body to endure the strain. He turned around and looked at the crater, the still flailing pillars of fire, and the Ostrich/Szayel fight. He was about to shrug but his overwhelming burden prevented him from doing so. Instead, he flashed off. He wasn't particularly grateful to the others for helping him get this far; he had enough on his hands anyway.

_**Things are looking bright for Grimmjow and Nnoitra… but are they? Final chapter will be up sometime.**_

_**  
Thanks for your patience and thanks for reading!**_


	7. Chapter 7

The artificial sunset elongated Orihime's shadow as she quietly but quickly scampered back to the scene of the latest battle. She herself had no idea if it was safe but she would rather be surrounded by foes that might be merciful enough to take her back instead of being stranded out in the desert where no safe source of water or food existed. She laid flat behind a sand dune as she surveyed the landscape. The former fire pillars known as Ulquiorra and Halibel had already burned out but the charred remains weren't too recognizable. She almost found herself **worrying** about them… she wasn't succumbing to Stockholm syndrome, was she?

She ceased prostrating and briskly brushed off whatever sand particles clung to her moon-white dress. She stepped over the small dune to approach her partner but a loud caw jolted her procession to a halt. She screeched in surprise at the ostrich's presence not too far off, looking at her. She looked harder and thought that she could see a tuft of pink hair between her claws. She gulped. Last time she read in third grade, ostriches were not carnivorous.

She slowly approached the somewhat massive ostrich as not to alarm it. The ostrich watched her curiously with large dark eyes.

"Easy now…" she began. "You're not going to hurt me, are you? Well, at least… let me make you a deal. If you help me get my partner back to Las Noches, I'll give you all the food you want. There is a lot of good food at Las Noches. In fact, I don't even eat there. Whenever they give me food, you can have it. What do you say?"

The human girl looked hopefully at the large bipedal creature with the biggest and most pleadingly cute expression she could muster. The ostrich lowered her head as though in agreement.

"Yay! Then it's settled. My friend is over here," Orihime gestured towards the one of the black piles. Wait… just which one of them was Halibel?

"Um," she stalled. "Let's just take both of them, just in case, all right?" She highly doubted that a thoroughly carbonized Arrancar could inflict much harm. The ostrich trotted over to the twin remains and nuzzled her neck under each one and heaved them onto her majestic back.

Orihime nodded approvingly and cantered over to the ostrich's side. "Let's…"

Her words died out as she spotted Barragon and Stark lying in the crater, clearly unconscious. Oh, how she would have loved to leave them there to suffer for their past atrocities and rudeness, but yet…

She slid down the side of the crater and used all her might to lug out each Espada. Really now, karate-training with Tatsuki always pays off.

After she was done dragging out the out-cold Arrancars, she asked the Ostrich, "Ostrich-san, if you do not mind, could you please help these two out as well?"

The feathery powerhouse complied again, but it was apparent that she was at her limit. Orihime wished not to burden her new companion further and decided to carry the remaining Bubblegum Espada herself.

"All right," she said. "Let's go, then."

**At Las Noches**

Grimmjow's _sonido_ carried the Arrancar wildcat and mantis all the way back to the gate of Las Noches. Upon arrival, the triumphant Sexta Espada forcefully and maybe purposefully slammed down the batch of Easter Eggs and his fallen comrade who was just starting to wake.

"Oomph!" coughed Nnoitra despite the softened impact between his spine and the sand. Grimmjow was too smug to care.

"Whoops, sorry man," he smirked. He then called at the gate, "Hey, Aizen! I've got the eggs!"

Soon enough, Aizen, ever accompanied by Ichimaru and Tōsen, appeared with the same calm and benevolent smile on his face. "Ah, Grimmjow, is it? I must say, I am surprised that you made it back first."

Grimmjow's eyebrow twitched. "The hell's that supposed to mean?"

"It means congratulations." Aizen began to clap his hands softly together. "I suppose you may proceed to enjoy life as it is with no chores."

"You got that right." Grimmjow grabbed the bundle of eggs and shoved it under Aizen's nose. "Here're all of your precious eggs."

"Ah, ah, ah, not so fast, Grimmjow-kun. First we must decipher first if these eggs are fake or not."

Grimmjow scowled. "Fake or not fake? 'Course they're not fake! I went through hell to play your dumb game, and now we have to take a test? You never told us about some scanning process!"

Aizen shook his head as though he was talking to a kindergartener that refused to comprehend the simpler aspects of life. "Grimmjow, I said that the Easter Eggs had to be genuine Easter Eggs. So of course I am going to make sure that they are genuine Easter Eggs. Say that you are working at a restaurant and someone orders fried noodles. Of course your customer is going to make sure that you bring him fried noodles, because he ordered fried noodles."

"I've never been to a restaurant before."

"Oh never mind then, hand it here." Aizen took the bundle and eyed it from top to bottom. "Yes, it seems rather authentic… there's only one way to find out, isn't there?" At that moment, he snapped his long fingers. Almost immediately, the once genuine Easter Eggs disintegrated into marble colored dust and was carried away by a slight breeze. Grimmjow's eyes widened to the size of hubcaps and his jaw dropped open in disbelief until some of the sand blew into his mouth.

"Pffttb! Bleh! What the heck? I don't believe this! They were fake? How the heck am I supposed to tell!"

Aizen blinked with curiously confused eyes. "Huh? You couldn't tell? These Easter Eggs have reiatsu in them. If you used _pesquisa_, you would have noticed."

"Reiats—" Grimmjow's eyes widened again before squinting in anger. It all became clear to him all of a sudden. _Oh, I understand now. Ulquiorra was so insistent on being the egg divider back when we were hatching this plan (no pun intended) because he knew that the eggs had spiritual energy. So, he thought he could swindle us by giving us the fake ones, eh? That…_

"Needless to say Grimmjow, you and Nnoitra have lost," Aizen interrupted his incoming stream of profanity. "Gin, bring out the maid costumes."

"Gotcha," sang Ichimaru. He _shunpo_ed away. Grimmjow was bursting with defeat and fury.

"You… grah… ahhh!" yowled Grimmjow as he charged his master. Aizen's eyes flickered over to Tōsen.

"Tōsen, the other arm."

"Yes, Aizen-sama." The white sand was dyed red as Grimmjow's other arm bid goodbye.

**Meanwhile…**

The fact that Grimmjow had carelessly dropped some eggs on his way back to Las Noches was a great help to Orihime, whose sense of direction would normally be the end of her.

She wasn't exactly familiar with the desolate terrain of Hueco Mundo, but she could rely on Grimmjow's impatient ego that as he was fleeing back to the palace, he didn't bother to pick up the eggs left behind and that Las Noches was indeed his immediate destination.

"Here's one… oof, here's another one… I wonder with all the eggs he's dropped so far if there's any left…"

Anyhow, bending over to pick up the precious ornaments while carrying a man twice her weight and height was literally backbreaking. As she straightened up, she noticed a running river up ahead.

"Phew… let's stop there, Ostrich-san!"

The ostrich clucked in agreement as they plopped their tired and aching bodies on the riverside. Orihime slung off Szayel's limp bode onto the sand beside her and she crawled up to the river, eager to relieve her slimy visage of its sweat. But then something hit her—there aren't supposed to be rivers in Hueco Mundo.

This fact propelled her suspiciously away from the water. "Ostrich-san, maybe we should—"

A strangely familiar mass floating by stopped her in midsentence. After rubbing her eyes and blinking to make sure it wasn't a mirage of some sort, it became obvious that it was indeed Yammy. But wait, he wasn't alone, wasn't that the other fat-lipped Espada too?

"Yammy-san?" She questioned timidly.

At the sound of her voice, Yammy stood up abruptly in the knee-deep water. "Who-huh-wha?"

Orihime didn't feel easy with Yammy around but he appeared to be handicapped for some reason…

"What happened to your eyes?"

The still-blind Yammy whipped around to face Orihime. "Hey, aren't you Aizen's human girl?"

"Yes, but I still want to know what you were doing in a place like this."

"Then you can heal me!" He grinned widely. "I was Easter-Egg hunting with Ulquiorra and then this **massive** ostrich—I swear, it's true—just attacked me! I wonder where it is now."

The ostrich's head rose at the sight of its former food source but was stayed by the brunette placing a hand on her beak.

"It's ok, Yammy-san, I believe you."

"Well good! Oh hey, next time you see Ulquiorra, tell him that I got a **really** big Easter Egg!" Yammy victoriously held Zomarri's unconscious body in its released form over his head.

"Yammy-san, I think that's just Zomarri in his released form."

"For real? But it feels so round."

"Yes, that's basically the same thing."

"Well, whatever." Yammy heaved down the still-unconscious "egg". "Are you going to heal me or not?"

"Well, I don't know about that. If you help me first, I'll help you."

"What! You're in no position to bargain like that!"

Orihime launched a Tsubaki missile at his head. "I believe I am, Yammy-san. I don't like acting this way, but this is rather necessary for all of us to get back. If you help carry Zo-I think it's Zomarri or something-san and Szayel-san, I'll heal your wounds."

Yammy rubbed his forehead after the brief assault. "I don't trust you."

"Well you should." Orihime handed him four of the nine eggs that she gathered so far. "While I was walking around, I found eight eggs so I'll split them up evenly with you. That way it's a tie between us, all right?"

Yammy's face scrunched up as he felt the four little eggs thrust into his arms. He grinned widely. _Naïve little girl, after we get back, I'll just snatch the rest of the eggs from you!_

"Sure, it's a deal."

"I'm glad it worked out." She began to trot on with the ostrich. _He's so naïve._

**Back at Las Noches**

"I must say, Gin, this is the most fun I've had since I jacked up Soul Society."

"I agree, Aizen. The last time I've had as much fun was when I stole all the towels in Rangiku's bathroom when she was taking a shower."

"Don't make me jealous of all the erotic things you can get away with."

"Who said I got away with it?"

"Oh, I think that's Orihime and the others. Strange, why are they all together?"

The traitorous duo waited as the Egg-hunting gang approached the gate.

"Oof… we're finally back!" gasped Orihime exhaustedly. She looked at Aizen and Gin. "Where is Tōsen?"

"Oh, he had to take care of some losers," replied Gin in a musically ominous tone. Aizen walked over to the new arrivals.

"Who has the most eggs?"

"Um, I believe we have the same amount…" started Orihime but was cut off by Aizen.

"I will be the judge of that." He again snapped his fingers and Orihime felt the eggs in her dress's pocket disintegrate.

"What?" She squeaked in shock and she turned out her pockets. Only sand poured out and there was no egg to be found. "What happened?"

"Yeah! I still got one!" howled Yammy. Orihime's head flicked up to see that although there was still sand dripping from his arms, only one egg did not vanish.

"Well, at least one of the eggs you found wasn't a fake." Aizen remarked.

"This entire time… they were all fakes?" groaned Orihime in disbelief.

"On the contrary, dear, most of the eggs I laid out were fakes. It does not mean that there are a couple of real ones."

"No way…" whimpered Orihime and she sank to her knees. The ostrich pecked at the miniature sand dunes created by the fake Easter Eggs.

"So Aizen, it looks like I win!" yelled Yammy.

"No, you don't."

That stopped Yammy short. "Huh? But why?"

"It's past 6:00 PM. I told everyone to be back by that time. But you weren't. So," Aizen whirled around. "All of you have failed to gather a sufficient amount of eggs by the end of the deadline. You **all** lose."

Orihime's hand shot up. "But wouldn't it be a draw if we all lose?"

"But that's just the thing. You all lost. Anyone who fails to fulfill the requirements are losers." He tossed Orihime and Yammy a broom. "Get to it."

By the time the rest of the Espada woke up and were healed, they had a very nasty surprise waiting for them. Needless to say, they weren't at all pleased but it's impossible to disagree when Sōsuke Aizen is your employer. You can rebel or end up like Grimmjow, who had to scrub toilets with his tongue due to a lack of arms.

Orihime did her best to stay out of sight in her embarrassing spanking-new maid outfit whose skirt length did not shield even five percent of her legs. She even wished that she was still roaming the desert in danger of being eaten by a wandering hollow.

She sighed. "Someone hurry up and get me out of here…"

_**I'm sorry for making you all wait like this, I should really do something about my procrastination. I'm not quite satisfied with this chapter because it feels a little rushed but I guess this is the best I can do when I'm sick.**_

_**Thank you everyone for following Easter Espada though! I am extremely grateful to have you as my audience.**_


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